At this time of the year, there are always good articles helping us set good NY Resolutions and tips and tricks on sticking to them. I buy into the importance of a process — motivation helps, but discipline is critical. Great. New Year — New Start. New Horizons. Gusto. Vim! Let’s GO. Love it.
But it feels as if we set them up to fail. The whole process is harsh. Tell people what you’re planning to fail at this year! Tell us! Even the word ‘Resolution’ is harsh. If I were to picture Resolution as a thing, it would be all hard angles, concrete and steel. Maybe a warship. Or a big, industrial, Eastern European factory from the 70s. Or the name of a Dalek. Monolithic. Unwelcoming. Cold. Unforgiving. And then I wonder, “Why would I invite these into my life? Into my head?”
Unforgiving is the word that sticks. We don’t seem to forgive ourselves for breaking New Year Resolutions. It’s an all or nothing deal. Once we have broken it — that’s it. Over. Whether it’s dry January, Veganuary, non-smoking, gym, gratitude… once we break the chain, the Resolution is now over. We’ve failed. It’s gone. Time to move on. Maybe a wry chuckle about how silly you were to dream it could happen. We might even congratulate ourselves on lasting this long. But we must never mention the resolution again. Until the next time. And the strangest thing is — if we’re totally honest — are we surprised it didn’t last long?
Resolutions feel like one of those TV reality shows where people bounce from one big inflatable ball to another, crossing wobbling bridges and dodging flying spears. We know they’re going to fall into the mud — we are willing them to fall into the mud — it’s just a question of when. NYR feel the same — we know when we set them, we will fail — it’s just a question of how long can we last? Jan 20th… February… March maybe… who is expecting to last until March?? Who is expecting YOU to last until March?
So… I’m trying to figure this out. My 4 points so far include:
First — stop the New Year bit. The further we get away from Jan 1, the less relevant the resolution. Choose the target date instead — when you’re going to finish and not when you’re going to start. Usain Bolt was never famous for his first metres. Focus on a target end date.
Secondly — drop the term ‘Resolution’. Choose a kinder name that you’d welcome into your home. ‘Goal’ is aspirational. Inspirational. ‘Target?’ Perhaps. ‘Intention’ I like. It suggests purpose and a link to an envisioned future. My ‘New Routine’ or ‘My New Behaviour’… ‘My Positive Change’… choose something you’re happy to repeat to yourself.
Thirdly. Be forgiving. If you don’t do 31 dry days in January — it’s ok. If you did 25 instead — that’s still pretty good. Don’t judge yourself and forget the intention. Aim to complete 31 by the first week of February.
Congratulate yourself for what you did do. Now you know you can do 25. Now you know some new tips and tricks that help you through tough times. Now you understand that you found some situations too difficult this time, but next time may be better. Now you have learned some new routines that can help you through the year. Progress should be recognised. If you didn’t do as well as you wanted — well, ok. But you set out with the intention to have a drier January — and hopefully, that worked.
And number four: Picture “you” on your target date. If the picture of you on your target date doesn’t excite you or motivate you to start the new behaviour — then choose something else. Choose for a future self that makes you smile, fills you with enthusiasm, optimism, curiosity… “I cannot wait to experience how that feels and what this person will do next.
So New Year Resolutions could be replaced by
“My April 2022 Intention is only to drink X number of times a week. This will help me sleep better and have better conversations with my family. It’ll also help me eat fewer late night snacks which kill any diet I may start as well. My skin is going to look fantastic — I’ll look ten years younger and will run faster than in 2021.”
“In 2022, I want to eat less meat. In February, it is my intention to experiment with Plant-based foods three times a week to find the food that works for my tribe and me. I intend to get the kids involved in finding out what works for them and helping make some dishes.
And remember — be kind to yourself. If you don’t manage to hit the targets you’ve set in the time you’ve selected — that could be ok. Progress is to celebrated. And if the picture that you have in your head is so fantastic — it won’t matter if it takes you a little bit longer to get there.
We get to choose every day who we intend to be tomorrow.
